


impossibilities

by kaleidoscope_kat



Series: BokuAka Week 2020 [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, BokuAka Week 2020, M/M, Mutual Pining, akaashi keiji and bokuto koutarou are both oblivious dumb fucks, brief mention of Kuroo Tetsurou - Freeform, did i just somehow turn this into some angsty shit yes, feelings that are complicated as fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25694593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaleidoscope_kat/pseuds/kaleidoscope_kat
Summary: To think the feeling would fade in a number of years, that was surely a mistake. It is a curse as much as it is a blessing. Despite the more positive attributes, Keiji feels as though it’s more of a curse. Bokuto graduated a couple years ago after all. The chances of Keiji ever encountering him once more is merely a wish, another dandelion seed carried by the wind.BokuAka Week 2020 | Day Two - Mutual pining/obliviousness, roommates, college au
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: BokuAka Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1860544
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10
Collections: Bokuaka Week 2020





	impossibilities

**Author's Note:**

> uh so haptesodgfhtih i did all of the prompts. smashed them into one,,, uh,,, kinda sorry about this being late!! actually really sorry!! sorry about that uh,,, i got kinda,,, things and shit. also!! stressing fun fuck yeah :))
> 
> uh!! thanks for reading this btw, or well. opening it in the first place <33  
> for those of you from the uh,,, day one thing thank you so much ily <3

To think the feeling would fade in a number of years, that was surely a mistake. It is a curse as much as it is a blessing. Despite the more positive attributes, Keiji feels as though it’s more of a curse. Bokuto graduated a couple years ago after all. The chances of Keiji ever encountering him once more is merely a wish, another dandelion seed carried by the wind.

Keiji wishes he could say that he did not mean to do such a thing, almost a lifetime ago. The high school memories are fading along with the dandelion seeds, blown away. He does not remember much anymore.

The list of weaknesses is disappearing, burning away. There is not much Keiji can remember anymore. His phone isn’t bombarded with messages like it used to be, ever since that one day. Keiji misses it, he misses the incessant sounds, the incessant ring. The notification that there was a text, that it would always be Bokuto with some occasional ones from others.

Nowadays, he receives occasional ones from others, but never texts from Bokuto-san. Keiji does not dare text him either, it is rude too. Or perhaps he is still afraid of what Bokuto would think. Would they still be friends, or just mere acquaintances?

It has been a couple of years after all. (One year, to be exact. Still, it feels like hundreds). Countless days. Millions of minutes trying to debate whether he should say something or not, at the end, he reverted to cowardice. Not mentioning a single word, never daring to click on the contact. At this point, Bokuto’s contact is buried. Buried under thousands of other numbers, of people Keiji barely remembers the names of. He thanks his past self sometimes, the one who remembers to input the names, just in case.

His life is different from all those years ago, that is a simple fact. There is no Bokuto-san to invite him to parties he actually wants to go to. There is no Bokuto-san to cheer him up. There is no Bokuto-san to spike his balls, nor is there a Bokuto-san to remind him of the little wonders in life. Even the smallest things, like how Keiji remembers the bee is still able to fly, despite laws of aviation not allowing it to. That thought itself, is a sign of persistence, he thinks. A sign of the fact that the impossible can become possible, if someone tried hard enough.

Bokuto-san always did. He always put his heart and soul into everything, no matter the sheer impossibility of the task. Every promise was kept, no matter how hard it was to do so, no matter how much time it took him to do so. If he promised to do something extraordinary, something no man has done before, he would somehow do it. Deliver it to your doorstep at three am in the morning, but still leave it complete.

At least, Keiji thinks that’s what he does. That was what it was like in high school, looking up to someone, a star. Someone who burned brighter than anyone else, but millions of miles apart. Even with being his “best friend”, Keiji felt as though he was walking behind, chasing cars, or maybe even a star.

It is years past that now, and they aren’t even mere acquaintances. Still, these thoughts do not leave his mind. They do not go out of it either, that small part is the only thing Keiji is thankful for. Sometimes though, he wishes that he was capable of chasing memories, of looking back at such times. He regrets that decision on graduation, deleting all the pictures in his camera roll all at once.

Photographs. There is not much he can remember from the ones that he took, except that Bokuto was always smiling, radiating happiness. It was impossible not to crack a small smile, when you were by his side. It is impossible to not slightly laugh at his jokes, despite hiding it behind your palm.

He grits his teeth once more, hand on his suitcase. There is no more time to be thinking of this. He is heading to college after all, and Keiji’s heard of multiple people who found their “soulmate” in college. Keiji knows his story will not be something intricate, something cute. It is just ordinary, as much as he is. Some part of him still wishes that his story could have intertwined with Bokuto’s for a bit longer, perhaps indulging a bit of his fantasies.

That chapter of his life is over though, it was over since graduation. With another sigh, Keiji glances at his phone, fully cutting the string, deleting the contact. High school friends were never meant to last. Keiji just feels slightly longer, that he was able to envision the star, to be part of the star’s life for so long.

Graduation was something simple, a ceremony, not too fancy nor simple. Watching upperclassmen walk up the stage as Keiji felt as though part of his life was taken along with them, the fact that he only interacted with so little of the people in the Fukurodani Volleyball Club that weren’t his upperclassmen. Losing Bokuto-san though, that was something Keiji couldn’t imagine then. Despite his years without Bokuto, Bokuto was just another part of him then. A best friend, a constant star by him. Something to remind him to shine brighter if possible, to try harder. If not for himself, then for others.

He tried to do so, without the constant presence of Bokuto. His third year was challenging, as the captain of the Fukurodani volleyball team, but without a star next to him. People often thought that he was the one supporting Bokuto, but Keiji always felt as though he was the one being supported by Bouto. Bokuto was a star after all, someone who  _ made  _ anyone else feel as though they had to give anything their all, for Bokuto was doing the same.

That was a while ago, he thinks, as he forces himself to set his head forward, glancing in the distance. Let the world see him once more, just for a second maybe. Breaking the barriers of his past life, perhaps creating something new. Akaashi Keiji is going to college.

(Those thoughts were stupid, he thinks right after.)

——«☆»——

There are a few ground rules Keiji sets for himself, the moment he sets foot on the campus. He has a roommate, that much if obvious. Keiji makes a small goal to interact with his roommate as much as possible. Taking in the fact that he  _ is _ entering new territory, that perhaps his roommate is the first friend he will make. He makes a mental note to talk to him, if possible. Perhaps approach him, and set out some simple rules in order to share the dorm.

Room sharing is complicated after all. What if his roommate wants the bed by the window? What if his roommate has friends that frequently visit? If he was still with his family, perhaps Keiji could have supplied his roommate with some types of expensive alcohols, hidden in the basement that Keiji is sure everyone knows of. Back then, his parents never noticed each bottle disappearing.

They won’t now, Keiji doesn’t take from there anymore. That is a past life that he has left. Keiji wonders what his parents would think, if they knew that he was trying to become some sort of writer. (Their initial thought about him not wanting to uphold the Akaashi Family Business was already, rather, dramatic. Keiji isn’t sure if he wants to deal with that once more, therefore, he kept it hidden.)

He is an outcast after all, alone, once more. Sometimes he wishes that even if it was a fake friend, that they would stay here. For a while.

Multiple things in his hands, being carried as Keiji hurries towards the elevators, using his elbows to jab the buttons. The elevator opens soon enough, Keiji’s hands already sore. In the corner of his eye, he swears he can get a glimpse of black and white hair, although he quickly shakes his head shortly after.

It isn’t possible. He needs to stop with the delusions, there is no way. Absolutely no way that  _ he _ is also here. High school memories are meant to be left behind after all. The possibilities of him being here are low, yet Keiji wishes anyway.

Through all the events thus far, Keiji should have known better than to wish for something.

As he heads towards his dorm, he realizes that his roommate has already unpacked, that he has already set up a number of things. The bed is not made, Keiji realizes, with a scowl. It’s not even the night yet, perhaps his roommate had moved in before. Honestly though, did it take that much effort to make his bed?

Some drawers are half-way open, as Keiji realizes. Posters hanging sideways, books with pages slightly folded, dog-eared. All those things slightly irritate him. Just the slightest bit. There are clothes everywhere, a sock hanging by a chair.

Keiji rolls his eyes once more, as he realizes his roommate seems to have used  _ his _ own bed as some sort of area to put more single socks. Honestly. At least they have some patterned owls on them, that thought comforts Keiji slightly more.

With a sigh exhaling from his lips, Keiji proceeds to move the single socks off his bed with caution, dumping it under his roommate’s bed. It’s certainly his roommate’s own fault, if he fails to realize his socks hiding underneath his bed.

The first mistake people often make when they see Keiji. Akaashi Keiji is a very petty person, despite knowing the stranger or not. He will not hesitate to make anyone’s life a living hell if they make Keiji’s life one. Misplaced socks count, for a fact.

Looking around the room once more, Keiji realizes that his roommate does not know the definition of “organized”, papers are everywhere on his roommates desk, pens all over the place. Keiji gives it a brief look, before giving his attention to his own half of the room.

He looks for a second too long, a faint whisper in his mind, telling him to set for another. Keiji closes his eyes, shuts them. It is not possible, it is not him. That past is not meant to be remembered.

(He fails to notice the photograph of two teenagers, one smiling brighter than the sun and another who seems to be fond of the other. He fails to notice the trash can, full of letters that are crumpled up, thoughts from a million years ago, yet listed today.)

Without another thought, Keiji begins to unpack. Making sure that everything and anything is organized, that his computer is perched on the table, a charger placed in a way that no one can possibly trip over it. He makes sure to put his own books on the shelves, closed. Keiji hopes his roommate doesn’t touch a single one of them. To have a single page of his books damaged, a single scratch on any of them would unleash a monster. A petty one.

As the afternoon sunlight turns dark, as Keiji makes sure to quickly grab a meal from the cafeteria, he makes a mental note to explore the following days, turning off the lights and placing unopened boxes on the side, snuggling into his blankets.

He is asleep long before the door creaks lightly, and a surprised gasp echoes throughout the room.

“Akaashi,” a voice whispers, a trace of sadness and nostalgia in the sound.

That is all it takes to wake him, although Keiji does not comprehend anything just yet. He pretends to be asleep, fingers slightly clenching the sheets. He hears shuffling and banging against the most random things, as well as a quick “Fuck. Where did I misplace my socks?”

A couple moments later as it seems as though his roommate has finally discovered the position of his socks, a groan echoing the room.

“Dude! Bro, what the fuck??”

A couple of minutes later, Keiji hears the sound of falling, someone crashing onto the floor in the most graceful way ever.

“What the fuck, who the fuck would place their charger here what the fuck??”

The voice is too familiar, as Keiji closes his eyes once more. Shuts them. He is merely imagining things after all, as he turns his heads, slightly shuffles, pretending to sleep. It is not possible, it is definitely not possible to have Bokuto Koutarou come back in his life, after so long.

Bokuto always had a way of making the impossible possible after all, even if it was tripping over a charger that was placed specifically in a way so that no one would trip. Even if it was appearing in Keiji’s life, millions of months later.

The past events in his head, Keiji makes a mental goal to  _ avoid _ his roommate as much as possible. The memories are resurfacing after all, when he does not want them the most. Why must they haunt him after all?

——«☆»——

  
  


His plan works for about a week, before everything spirals down to hell. Keiji is able to avoid his roommate, the fact that this roommate seems to wake up earlier, goes on a run at about 5 am in the morning. Keiji wakes up shortly after then, making way to the university library, which is open. He stays there, for the majority of the day, sometimes walking downtown to get some food, or perhaps going to a couple of shops to waste time. Sometimes even the cafe, where he takes out his laptop and starts to write.

On a Tuesday morning however, Keiji’s alarm fails to wake him up. He wakes up later, around 7:45 am, where his roommate is loud, chattering with someone else.

Keiji gracefully rolls off his bed, cursing his balance and everything in the world. He tries to get out of the dormitory before his roommate notices.

Bokuto notices soon enough.

“Akaashi,” he calls. A voice too sad, Keiji thinks, to be used by him.

“Bokuto-san, what is it?” He answers, Keiji doesn’t even have to look to know. He turns anyways, moments later. It is true, Bokuto does look a bit down…. More than a bit down.

“Akaashi I…” His voice cracks, as Keiji catches himself looking at him once more. His golden eyes, slightly downcast. Bokuto’s full of muscle like always, but without energy. He seems wearied, burdened by something. His hair is down as well. “Did I… Do something wrong? I know that I didn’t really come to your games or anything even though i said I would but—”

If anything, it’s safe to say that Keiji does not expect that to happen, does not expect for those words to leave Bokuto’s mouth. If anything, Keiji feels as though  _ he _ should take the blame for the past events, that Bokuto should not. Still, it makes sense. 

“What,” Keiji interrupts, quickly. Eyes slightly turning away, he dares not face Bokuto for this moment.

“Look at me, please,” Bokuto says. Keiji closes his eyes for a moment to long at that, he knows him too well. Even at this point. Keiji turns, gunmetal blue meeting gold. “You’ve been… Avoiding me for a lot of things like. Since… My high school graduation and… Did I… Do something wrong?”   
  
A momentary pause, Keiji dares not speak or break the silence. There is no way out of this, he is in the wrong after all. The reasoning is stupid, but Keiji knows better than to lie. Remaining silent is the best choice.

“I… know I didn’t come to your games or anything but you didn’t really send me any texts like you said you would but then to be fair I didn’t really either so uh…” Keiji catches a glimpse of his face, turning towards the clock. “You… Shouldn’t have your class until around the afternoon or something, right? I’m not like. Making you late right?”

“You… Aren’t,” Keiji says, his fingers now playing with the fabric of his shirt. The unspoken question is obvious.

“I… I saw your schedule and stuff,” Bokuto says, eyes turning away, “Sorry. I probably shouldn’t have done that.”

“You… Didn’t do anything wrong,” Keiji says, hoping that he can clear off any confusion, before it starts. The reasoning is stupid after all, Keiji doesn’t know why fate is like this, granting his wishes at the worst time. He does not want to deal with it, the feelings, breaking out of the box without a key, overwhelming him slightly.

Although he looks sad, a partial shell of what Keiji used to remember, Bokuto is handsome as always. Tentative and caring. He knows his limits now, Keiji thinks, he knows whether to talk about a subject or not. He still… Cares, even after all this. Another thing Keiji admires.

“Why… Didn’t you text me throughout the years?” Bokuto asks, this time, Keiji can really hear the sadness in his voice, causing him to flinch slightly.

“I…”  _ Forgot your number, _ he wants to say. He does not however, he dares not lie to Bokuto. His fingers are playing with his fabric, continuously.  _ I couldn’t text you, I did not dare to get attached once more. I did not want my heart to break, knowing that you were leaving. Knowing the possibilities of us meeting once more is low, knowing that you are a star, and that you probably have someone by now, that you probably have always had someone. I couldn’t be selfish once more, I couldn’t let go. I dared not text you, I dared not be selfish… I hurt you. I was scared, I was afraid of you finding out, I was afraid of what you thought of me. _

“You… Said you would keep in touch, Akaashi. What changed?” Keiji leaves that unanswered as well, eyes glancing anywhere but at him.

_ I got too attached in high school, to a star that was ahead of me. I fell in love, the first time I saw you. I thought I would be able to say something throughout the two years, it was not possible. I dared not break my heart when you were going to college, dared not burden you with such things. I let go, I built barriers. I tried to forget. I burned the memories, I tried to burn the feelings. They’re still there. _

“Did… Kuroo tell you anything?” Keiji can see a light blush dusting Bokuto’s cheek, his thoughts traveling elsewhere. He finds himself clenching his jaws, biting his lips. Are they together?

“Congratulations,” Keiji says, as he finds himself escaping the suffocating environment of the room. College was going to be hell after all, with Bokuto as a roommate.

(He fails to hear the sound of tears, a hurried “Wait! Please, let me explain!” echoing throughout the dorm.)

**Author's Note:**

> yeah so uh. heh :')
> 
> i felt angsty today or something thus :')
> 
> might!! be a continuation of this i'm not sure!! so i'm just marking it as complete for now (if i do do a continuation, i'm probably going to like,,, do it after BokuAka week <33)
> 
> thank you for reading!! uh,,, kinda just. wanna. say thanks to jackie and brie again :')


End file.
